A Visit From A Frightening Thought

This summer, I traveled with my family to the Holiest of places, Saudi Arabia, for the second time in my life. It is a feeling beyond explanation to be in the cities where over 14 centuries ago the greatest revolution ever took place. It was an amazing journey. I felt that I had grown as a human being and I came back a fresh man. Then what, you ask, is so frightening? I’ll tell you. Two days into our trip and my father fell severely ill.

My father works 10-12 hours a day and is someone who has always planned about exercising, but all in vain. He is known to have had heart and lung problems and has inherited an unusual trait of coughing not only very loudly, but also quite vigorously. None of this makes up the best of resumes for someone who has come to perform Umrah in view of the fact that it requires a lot, and I mean a LOT, of walking. Anyway, back to the subject. My father’s illness, which was based upon weakness, restricted him to bed rest. So on the third day, at the time of Asr prayer, he decided to stay behind and lay it out. The rest of us agreed and made our way towards Haram. There are four other members of my family; my mother, two brothers and a sister. During our time there, we moved about in groups; my father and youngest brother (who turned 10 upon our return), my mother and my sister, and my brother and I. Therefore, unaccompanied by our father, my youngest brother came to be a part of my group.

After performing Salah and spending some time in the local Bazaar, we strode towards our hotel in the hope of assisting our father. We quickly reached the forth floor where we had two rooms and I warned my brothers to keep their volumes low so as not to disturb my father should he be sleeping a peaceful sleep. However, we did not have the key to the room so I knocked on the door very lightly. I knocked again since there was no answer. I knocked a little loudly the next time, but still no answer. I waited another five minutes and rocked the doorknob... Nothing budged. By this time, I had become a bit worried. My brothers were busy mocking and fooling around with each other so I took strength from their easiness, which breathed optimism to me. I banged the door as a last resort, thinking that my father must be in the washroom and is simply incapable of acknowledging the knocks on the door. Yet, there was no answer. I started sweating. All the unfortunate possibilities came to my mind. My fierce and desperate banging on the door also scared my brothers so I turned around and joked with them a little in order to eradicate the panicky atmosphere. I put on smiles for them when really I was dying inside, thinking something had happened. We stood outside the door for half an hour and then went to sit down in the lobby for another ten minutes. I had to clear my head of all the terrifying thoughts so I began praying. I’m not sure as to why I didn’t resort to praying in the first place when I was just five minutes away from Allah Almighty’s house. I started reciting anything that I could come up with and declared to my brothers that we were going back to the mosque given that the time for Maghrib prayer was also nearing. I made constant du’a to the All-Merciful to rid me of all the unpleasant ideas that I was getting and to bless my father with good health and long age.

We spent the next couple of hours in the mosque till after Isha, solely because I was afraid of finding out something that I would not like. Thus, I kept myself busy with prayer. Usually after Isha, our three groups would reunite outside the mosque whereby we would go for dinner together. After coming out of the mosque that dark night, which seemed a lot darker to me than anybody else, I motioned for my brothers to follow me to the spot where we often met. We spent the next ten minutes searching for familiar faces amongst a crowd of various nationalities. We gave up and I resumed praying, not letting my brothers think for a second that something was wrong. We took the long road back to our hotel that I hoped would never end. Upon entering the lane in which our hotel was situated, I looked up at the windows and saw a faint light coming out of the one that I thought would otherwise be still dark. I thanked Allah for the encouragement and went upstairs. While closing in on the door that I had earlier banged like crazy, I heard voices from within. One such voice belonged to the person I was badly missing. Before going in, I closed my eyes and thanked Allah SWT with all my heart. I then made my way into the room and greeted everyone as if nothing was the matter.

It has been almost a month and I haven’t shared this with anyone. I have shared it with you today so that you realize, as I have realized, how much a person really means to you. And they are right when they say, you don’t know what you have till it’s gone. I know many people that have to bear the non-existence of such important personalities in their lives and to them I salute because it is not at all easy. Moreover, to those who take these people for granted, may you realize the value of these characters and cherish the fact that you still have time to do right. Unlike those who lost it and are now nothing but remorseful. May peace be upon all of you.